Calling a Spade a Spade...

Friday, October 5, 2007

*Powder Monkey Lisa sitting high a top her cannon, rubbing it affectionately.*

Today dear mateys I would like to forge into the subject of appropriate description in writing a sex scene. Particularly describing what to call anatomy without reducing it to "He stuck his hard, throbbing tab A into her wet, hot, tight slot B."

When I write a sex scene my mood reflects in my description. If I've experienced a particularly stressful day I write balls to the wall sex. There are no holds barred on adjectives or terminology. In other words I don't care to call a cock a cock.

This brings me to the subject of what not to call a cock.

1. Throbbing member (sounds painful)

2. Hard Manhood (sounds like a hood ornament)

3. Pulsating Vessel ( sounds like a party boat....wait a minute maybe I need to rethink this one.)

I know these terms are often found in cheesy romance novels, and are perfect for some readers who don't feel comfortable with graphic terminology, but those readers need to get in touch with prolific anatomy terms. And personally I am a writer who wants to join the ranks of those who can open a whole new sensual experience for the sheltered reader.

Now for a trip through what I like to coin Bush Gardens, or the female anatomy. For me personally, even on a balls to the wall sex writing day, I find it difficult to call a clit a clit. I've never liked the term. It is impossible to find a word that describes a clit without sounding ridiculous. I have sited some examples below.

1. Hard nub (sounds like it belongs in a box of corn nibblets...)

2. Ground Zero (It seems wrong to name a clit after a historical monument.)

3. Pleasure Piece (well put that in your pipe and smoke it!)

And on an even lower note the terms used for the vagina. This is the only part of the the anatomy other than the penis that I deem necessary to rename. The term vagina and penis are too medical to sound sexy to me, thus bringing us back to the mechanical insert tab A into slot B.

Terms not to call a vagina.

1. Tunnel of Love (this is a ride found at an amusement park!)

2. Velvet Glove (Conjures images of Michael Jackson ewww...)

3. Pussy (A term I admit I use at times, but *cough* hair ball...)

On a more serious note, I find that the best smut I write is the least descriptive. I describe more about what the characters sense than the act being performed. I think that I learned something very valuable early on in my writing and that is- Less is More. Describing the way a character feels in a sensual situation can be far more stimulating than describing the actual act itself.

I'm ending with this question-how much description is too much in a sex scene, or is it all or nothing for you?

14 comments:

Hellie Sinclair said...

OMG, this is brilliant...and hilarious. And I agree with all the terms...though, like you, what do you call your GiGi without sound medical or stupid? Men at least have cock, which I don't think sounds medical or stupid, per se. It is actually rather sexy. The Hairball term does nothing for me.

I, myself, like all the body parts to be vague. I figure we all have them, they don't need a drawing; if they need a picture, they can Google it. The important part of the love scene is the sensual...the emotion...the...well, you know. Strict labels (the hood ornament comes to mind) can whip me out of a story quicker than you can say, "Is that Jack Sparrow?"

Excellent job, PM Lisa! *clapping* Round of applause everyone!

Sin said...

Aye! You did a fine job mine bonny lass! Or wench. Or wenchie pooh.

And when I mean fine job, I mean I laughed my ass off until I fell out of my chair. You know how I write (very vague) and you throw it out there and I love it when you write sex! It makes me want to learn how to write better sex scenes when I see you throwing it all out there on the line (going back to the FIP here, LOL). I know how much you detest writing sex but you do it so wonderfully and even blog about it with fine detail.

Great job on your first post, PM Lisa!

Anonymous said...

Well said, Lisa! Personally, I'd like to add "sword" and "sheath" to the list of anatomical descriptions that make me roll my eyes. Unless the writer is aiming to make me snort, which is a decidedly unsexy response to a sex scene!
Robin :)

Lisa said...

You both have been far too generous. To receive a round of applause for discussing sexual anatomy is a first for me:)

I agree Hellion the terms define the story....stupid terms ruin a good vibe.

And Sin you my dear could learn nothing from my drabble. *smooch* for saying so.

Hellie Sinclair said...

I agree, Robin. In fact, the only person who ever got away with saying those terms, in the history of referencing those parts as sheath and sword, was Lord Byron.

I shall quote. *BS Terri groans*

SO, we'll go no more a-roving
So late into the night,
Though the heart be still as loving,
And the moon be still as bright.

For the sword outwears its sheath, 5
And the soul wears out the breast,
And the heart must pause to breathe,
And love itself have rest.

Though the night was made for loving,
And the day returns too soon, 10
Yet we'll go no more a-roving
By the light of the moon.

Hellie Sinclair said...

Isn't that a great poem? I think it was the first time men ever spoke so openly about erectile dysfunction.

Anonymous said...

You are right, Hellion. Lord Byron is the exception that proves the rule. That is an excellent poem...
Robin :)

Anonymous said...

Hilarious and very well said. As for me, I think that writing sex is more about desire and sensuality than some kind of gymnastics or graphic descriptions about what goes where...Because honestly when you look at it,(not that closely you'll get poked in the eye!) there aren't so many possibilies. I don't like vagina and penis because they make me think of some kind of medical dictionary on veneral diseases. As for the *roll your eyes till you see the back of your skull* terms, I read about some lady's "sweet secret garden" once. How can a sex scene make you hot if you choke on your bubble gum while reading it?
Anyway, love your sex scenes Lisa. Mmm when's next btw?
Harlot

Sin said...

Not only did BS Terrio groan but that might have been me groaning as well. Somehow I just *knew* that you were gonna pull a quote out today.

Robin !! Harlot!! Welcome to the blog! Thanks so much for stopping by, though listening to PM Lisa blog about anatomy is almost as good as her writing. But all the hotness was left out *pout*

Hellie Sinclair said...

*sticking tongue out at Sin* What's wrong with my quotes? Lord Byron was an excellent poet...

Harlot--I love the name alone!

Terri Osburn said...

I have five seconds and I have to run off to dinner. I love, love, love it!!! And I haven't even read it all. LOL! No groaning but my tummy is growling so I've got to go. I'll get back online as soon as I can.

Oh, Hellion, they had a CHAT WITH SHERRILYN KENYON at 4pm. I didn't go, but I thought of you. *g*

KEEP THE CANNONS FIRING....LOL!

Lisa said...

Love the quote Hellion, historical erectial dysfuntion indeed!

Damn Robin I forgot about "He sheathed his hard throbbing sword inside of her" *slapping forehead*
*g*

Harlot I read the same book! It reminds me of a patient I had once that called it her tomb of love! Me writing smut? When? I think someone has a birthday coming up at the cave....too many birthdays so little time:)

Terrio thanks for reading, I don't blame you food is far more important than prolific anatomy terms...

Sin maybe next time I'll blog a sex scene:)

Sin said...

Wowza the boat will burst into flames and Hellion will be standing in the little look-out with her coat on singing tunes (way out of tune by the way) and we'll be trying to swim away for burst into spontaneous combustion.

Tiffany Clare said...

Damn, how did I miss this yesterday? I have a thesaurus for naughty words.

I don't mind the words... I hate sheathing the sword and other bad phrasings, but they do sometimes work. Elizabeth Hoyt uses a good mix of different wording, and I don't think I've ever laughed during her descriptions. And I love the term cock. :D

Admittedly some are really bad below, but so funny to read. I took out the really bad words...there were some with f---starting it. :-)

clitoris ñ bud, bump, bundle of nerves, button, nub, nubbin, pearl
lips ñ creases, folds, labia, nether lips

nipples ñ areola, buds, peaks, tips, crests
Nub-crux, essence, heart

Vagina - cleft, crease, crevice, crotch, cunny, cunt, genitals, glove, hole, mound, opening, quim, slit, vulva, sheath

balls ñ ballocks, bollocks, crown/family jewels, gonads, nads, nards, rocks, nuts, scrotum, testicles

cock ñ bone, boner, dick, erection, genitals, hard-on, hose, lance, manhood, meat, member, organ, pecker, penis, phallus, pole, prick, rod, root, sex, shaft, staff, stem, tool, wood

Erect - cocked, elevated, erectile, firm, perpendicular, raised, rigid, standing, stiff, straight, upright, upstanding, vertical

glans ñ bulb, crown, head, helmet, knob, mushroom tip, tip