I sort of had a very busy year in 2007. You might have read me whining about it somewhere. I don't mean to whine, it just happens. And I know that I'm my own worst enemy but I'm starting this year fresh with a positive attitude and lofty goals. Both in writing and for life in general.But one week in and I'm already worried. This weekend, I was elected conference chair for my local RWA chapter. That means I am the top-dog, chick-in-charge of putting together our writing conference in November. The good news is, I have a co-chair and we are teaming with another chapter about 90 minutes away so I'm not completely alone in this. Delegate, delegate, delegate is my new motto. *g*
But I'm a planner and my instinct is to look ahead and see how things can fall into place. In my juggling act, I have these little balls I have to keep in the air and they all have something written on them. Work (so we can have a home and eat), college (so we can have a better home and eat better), single-momhood (because my life would be meaningless without her), writing (because these voices would drive me crazy if I tried to shut them up), planning my company's year end holiday party (because I have to) and now planning a large annual writers conference (because I'm an idiot and glutton for punishment). Let's not forget my blogging duties upon this ship. But that's a true labor of love so we'll let it slide.
Here's the thing – I'm looking forward to all of this. Ok, not so much the school stuff but it's a means to an end and I'm not about to quit now. But everything else, I'm ready to dive right in. I know, I'm crazy.
What I've learned about myself is if I'm not doing at least two or three things at one time, I'm not happy. Other than writing, sleeping and driving, there are very few times I do only one thing exclusively. Even when I'm driving, I'm usually making calls or listening to an audio book. I seem to plot while I'm trying to sleep so even then I'm multi-tasking. Writing is my only escape and without the pressure of everything else, I might not find the enjoyment in it that I do.
I used to think all this multi-tasking might be doing more harm than good but now I've changed my mind. I'm a born procrastinator and having to get so much done is the only way I would get anything done. And I still manage to slack. Seriously, you should see my house. On second thought, no you shouldn't.
I was talking on the phone this weekend with a writer friend and the subject of Nora Roberts came up. My friend said, "Wouldn't it be great to get up everyday and have nothing to do but write?" Let me note here I KNOW Nora does much more than write but hang with me. At first I thought, sure. But the more I think about it, the more I think I would hate it. And I don't mean I'd hate just writing, I'd hate doing anything if it was all I did. I guess I need the chaos to feel in control. Does that make sense?
How about you? Do you thrive on chaos or do you need calm? Do you have my problem of taking on more than you probably should or are you to the point where saying no comes as naturally as breathing? And if you've mastered the word "no", can you let me know how you did it?
Aside: In my defense, they tried to elect me conference chair and publicity coordinator and I told them I could not do both. That's progress right there. LOL!
21 comments:
If you thrive on taking on so many projects, why would you want to learn to say no?
Me, I could write all day, it's something I love to do and find I never have enough time I can dedicate to it. If I could give up my job and be that stay at home mom that write while the kids are at school then again when they go to bed. I'd be content. I'm not a socialite, so I don't need to mingle with people on a daily basis. That's probably a bad thing, but I'm not complaining.
Terri, you are Wonderwoman, only with a better outfit.
I haven't figured out how I work best. Right now I'm actually writing to a deadline---my own damn fault for leaving it so late. Maybe too late. I thought I'd write more/ revise this summer when I was off from school, but I honestly can't say I did. I mean, I wrote, but could have spent less time in the sun and more in the writing room.
In writing, we are our own boss, so if things get screwy, we know who to kick around. It's taken me a while to catch on that I don't have to believe my own excuses.
Tiff - it's not that I want to say no to everything but I know there has to be a line I need to draw. Just figure at some point no will be needed to keep the chaos at a managable level.
Maggie - I don't know, those bracelets were pretty cool. You can't blame yourself for enjoying your summer. In all of this we forget that it's important to stop now and then and enjoy the ride. I doubt anyone is going to have the words, "Wish I'd stayed in and written more" on their tombstone. *g*
Ter - you're amazing, I do agree. I used to be like that, but after a couple years of non-stop action, I burned out. Bless your multi-tasking self.
I do write more now than I did when I had a standard full time job, though the little pirate is his own full time job. But, I at least get nap time, though I should probably do laundry/housework/etc. (Though, what writer do we know who's caught up on their housework? If you are, please don't disillusion me.) So, usually I get an hour during the day and a couple after he goes to bed.
But, I'm like Tiff, if I could write all day, I'd be the happiest little nerd in the entire world.
Maggie - you're right about being our own boss. And, beyond believing my own excuses is the heady knowledge that I don't even have to make excuses. It makes it easier when I would usually be hard on myself when life got in my way. :)
I'm really not super, guys. That wasn't the point of this at all. LOL! I'm STUPID! Not super.
But your answers lead me to another question. I live with guilt all the time. Always have. Could have, should have, would have type stuff.
Do you feel more guilty now for putting stuff like housework off to write than you did before when other things pulled you away from housework? I mean, if you spent your evenings running the kids to every sport and dance rehearsal you probably didn't have the house clean all the time but didn't feel guilty about it.
Why do we feel guilty about writing as if it's some luxury thing we shouldn't put before other tasks?
They wanted you to do both the planning and be the publicity coordinator? What would they be doing? Sitting back, drinking mai-tais and talking about how the publishing world doesn't take them seriously?
Thank God, you said no to at least ONE of the items.
I have to have both chaos and calm. You know, sort of the eye of the hurricane--it's calm there, but tell that to the cities it's destroying. I have to have inner calm--if I'm panicked, I don't like chaos...but I do seem to get more done, if I have more to do. One of those stupid ironies. God forbid if I only had to do one thing. I'd figure out exactly how much time it took to do it, then I'm spend the rest of my time drinking mai-tais and wondering why the publishing world didn't take me seriously.
I hate chaos. I do not thrive well in a constant state of unrest. When I over extend myself I get bitchy, and no one can live with me, and I hate myself for it. One of my New Year's resolutions is to not take out the stress I create for myself on the people around me. I am in control of my destiny, it's not someone else's problem that I procrastinated until the last minute to complete something that needs to be done yesterday.
I could not write all day long everyday. It would drive me insane. Not that I'm concerned that it will ever happen:) I have to live a structured life. I need a job to get up at a certain time and report for a days work. If I wrote full time I could see me procrastinating my life away. "Oh the deadline isn't for 8 months I have plenty of time, I'll sleep in today and have lunch with a friend and I'll write tommorow"...And when two months goes by and I haven't written but a couple of chapters then I would be in bitch panic mode. *sigh* Not a pretty picture of the person I am.
I admire you Terrio for the services you take upon yourself. I over extend myself with church functions so I know exactly where you're coming from. You deserve an award for your juggling abilities. I just know all my balls would be scattered at my feet on the ground if I tried to maintain that schedule.
You know, Lisa, we might be long lost sisters. That is EXACTLY what I would do. Only about 7 months would go by before I sat down to write a word. *sigh* You'd think knowing this would make a difference but it doesn't.
The thing is I'm calm in my planning. I have a method and mental lists and even some lists on paper. I don't get to do as much on my weekends as I'd like but I still somehow manage to have a life. Don't ask me how, that's one a mystery. LOL!
I thrive on chaos myself. LOL
And I agree with Maggie. You're Wonder Woman!
I think the key to successfully managing chaos is knowing your own limits. I too seem to be most productive when I have many demands on my time. On the other hand, if I don't build some solitude into my day, I feel as if creative chaos has become worlds spinning out of control.
Alright, fine. But this damn invisible plane is a bitch to park.
Janga - Great point. It's a fine line between the two. Hence the "HELL NO" to doing both elected positions. LOL!
I do believe that the more I have to do the more I get done. That sounds a little stupid, but there you have it. I had a very busy holiday season - lots of shopping, cooking, cleaning and entertaining to be done. I got it all done and pretty stress free on top of it.
I'm finding that if I'm calm I can handle and even enjoy the chaos to a point. So, in the immortal words of Clint Eastwood (and Janga) - "A (Wo)Man's got to know his (her) limitations!" I think what I'm learning the older I get is that as long as I've got a game plan or know what I'm doing everyone else's chaos doesn't really bother me. I prefer structure but I can't enforce it on others so I try to just go with the flow.
As for the guilt, Terri... that is a combination of forgiving yourself for not being perfect and giving yourself permission to not be everything to everyone. A lot of self talk too!
Irish - my sister in guilt. LOL! I'm much better at ignoring it than I used to be but I have a ways to go. I'll get there. Life is just too short to feel guilty every dang minute.
Yes, limitations. Or boundaries as my friend and I like to call them. I define my boundaries much better than I used to. Still, it's a balancing act. But even if you only have one thing to do - say, raise kids. Life is still a balancing act and you can never really get away from it.
I think you hit the nail on the head, Terri. There's always something! I think when I finally realized that, I relaxed a little. I found myself thinking that if I could just get this one thing done - life would slow down, be easier, I'd have more time, etc., etc. Once I realized there is ALWAYS going to be that one thing and I may never catch up, I started letting go of a lot of "shoulds" and "musts" and "have tos".
I switched from "Yes", "Definitely", "You can count on me" to "Maybe", "I'll see what I can do", and the ever popular "I'm sorry but I'm afraid I will not be able to help out this time!" (I can never just come right out and yell NO, however good it might feel. LOL)
Funny, Irish, I bet you say no to the kiddies all the time. We should just pretend everyone is like a kid. Then we could say no all day long.
There is a whole branch of mathematics devoted to chaos theory and perhaps the most fascinating feature is the 'strange attractor'
Terri, you and the other chaos lovers are very strange attractors indeed...I'm saying no more!
I'm working flat out to figure Terri's fractal dimension....fascinating *g*
I can't argue with the strange attractor but I have a fractal what? Hmmmm....do I even want to know where that is? And could mine be broken? I'm not sure I'd want a splint on that...
I used to take on too much. No, wasn't in my vocabulary. Until my migraines and other health issues got out of control. I was too busy living for everyone else so they could live. I thought I could do it all. But the truth I couldn't. I loved the chaos and when the calm came I relished it. The more people noticed I couldn't say no the more they were willing to ask me to do things for them and the calm very rarely came anymore.
Life is too short not to do what you want to do in your life. Make the best of it. Just remember that while being in charge is all good, if someone doesn't carry through their part that delegation goes back to you. And then what happens when you are trying to write under the pressure of editing deadlines.
Thanks for dropping by, Renee. And that (sort of) ray of sunshine. LOL! You are very right and I don't plan on running like this forever. In fact, when I didn't have college classes, my life was really pretty simple.
This is my last year of college and I have said no much more often lately. At work especially. I sometimes wonder what I would do with deadlines but technically, I face a deadline every week with school stuff and I seem to manage. That's no guarantee but it's a step in the right direction.
Terri,
Sheesh I almost wrote you my whole life story but it was really only what occurred in 2007. Luck you I erased it all:)
You'll be able to keep up with edit deadlines without a problem. Just watch those other things that aren't for you or your immediate family.
{{terrio said...
I can't argue with the strange attractor but I have a fractal what? Hmmmm....do I even want to know where that is? And could mine be broken? I'm not sure I'd want a splint on that...}}
*g*
The road to paradise is paved with the tombstones of good men who have tried and failed to understand women. I had thought that the fractal dimension might provide the key but then remembered that chaos is deterministic disorder. I have yet to meet a predictable (deterministic) woman! Good Lord you are all stranger and even more mysterious and alluring than I had imagined........*sets off for a day of quantum physics scratching head with far away look *
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