I'll admit it, I've done the online dating thing before. And because technology is so wonderful, the internet knows this about me. So, the internet wants to help me out by showing me internet dating site advertisements ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Not that this gets bothersome or anything. I love all the false hope, empty promises and unrealistic portrayals. Love 'em.What I've noticed lately about all these ads is these couples look freakishly alike. Have you noticed this? And don't pretend you haven't seen these ads. I can't be the only one who has ever reached this level of desperation. And if I am, humor me and pretend you've been that desperate.
Anyway, it's starting to freak me out how much these people look alike. Because if I'm supposed to find the man that looks exactly like me, I'm in trouble. That is going to be one very unattractive dude. These people could be brother and sister they're so similar. And I'm not about to go there. ICK!!!
But this made me think about our heroes and heroines. How do we know when these characters pop up that they are right for each other? How do we pair them up? Many authors write a series of connected books in which they take one character from a current book – say the hero's best friend – and make him the hero of the next book. Usually, that means the author then has to *find* him a heroine.
If he's Alpha, he'll need someone to stand up to him and perhaps smooth out his rough edges. But the last thing he needs is a woman who won't challenge him at all. If he's Beta, he'll need someone to give just the right kind and amount of encouragement to find his Alpha moment. A woman to balance out his sensitivity and love him just the way he is. This works in the opposite direction as well.
If a heroine is timid, she needs a man to bring her out of her shell. But a man who will see the woman hiding inside. If the heroine is bold and outspoken, she'll need a man who can appreciate her, not try to hush her up and most certainly, not let her walk all over him. Now, this all sounds perfectly logical, but then you have to create them – height, hair, eyes, laugh, wit, intelligence, attitude and overall personality. Here's where I'm thinking it gets tricky.
What if you've created these two you think are perfect together and at the 2/3 point of writing the book, they tell you they are absolutely wrong for each other? What then? So far, my characters have gelled together quite well. No complaints, no tantrums, no "I can't work with this person!" moments. But it could happen. *cue duuuuummmmm dad um dum music* I think the Captain's paranoia is rubbing off on me.
Is it just kismet that these characters show up together or the right one shows up at the right time? Or do we make them fit together? Is there a character fairy who comes to us writers in the night, sprinkles character fairy dust on our heads, and gives us these wonderfully compatible people? Or is it a crap shoot?
If you're a writer, how did you create your characters and how did you know they were meant for each other? If you're a reader, have there been couples that you've thought didn't work together? Any that you think are perfect and you couldn’t picture them with anyone else? And if you have a significant other, do people tell you you look alike or are they usually amazed that you two are a couple?
PS: I obviously stole the above picture from eHarmony but I've given them a great deal of money in the past and got not one date in return. I think we're even...
20 comments:
First, you must delete your cookies, or some of them. This is not the same as tossing your cookies, but those cookies, like Hansel and Gretel's crumbs, will lead those dating sites right to your screen.
I had an African-American friend once who thought my husband and I looked alike and she wasn't riffing on the old racial stereotype (he's tall, dark, hazel-eyed; I'm average height, blond, brown-eyed). I think she meant we looked like we belonged together, with "soft" features. We weren't married then but have been now for centuries.
I once dated a guy who could have been my brother, and we were frequently mistaken for siblings. Ick again.
So far my characters have done just what I've typed them up to do, but as they seem to control my fingers, they're doing the writing.
I've lived with "how did you two end up together" my entire 20 yrs of married life.
I just say "lucky I guess" You can't explain it, so I don't bother.
I've never had a story occur to me yet that didn't have h/h already fully formed and together. That sounds tricky, for sure.
Great Blog, Terri!
As my illustrious critique group is aware, my characters have had the "I can't work with this person" moment. Well, actually, it didn't play like that. It was more that I didn't think the conflicts that my character's personalities gave me as their writer meshed well. So, I had to adjust them. In my case, I adjusted my hero. I think it's better now.
I worked this weekend to make him the kind of hero my heroine would fit better with.
As far as looking like my DH, I don't know. I think maybe a little. We both have similar coloring, similiar ethnic backgrounds. Read: He's as Irish and fiesty as I can be.
Maybe it has something to do with cultural backgrounds attracting?
Very interesting topic Terrio. Since I've started my WIP Yipee! (It feels so good to say that:)I have found that I like the male alpha character that I thought I wouldn't like for my heroine. This has thrown me for a loop. Although the guy I intend for her to possibly be with at the end of the series has not entered stage left yet, so I'll leave my final judgements for another day.
One time a waitress asked me and my husband if we needed separate checks. My husband thought it was funny I found no humor in it because it was obvious the way she was eyeballing him, that she thought I wasn't a match for him in the looks department. *snort*
Maggie - I clear out my cookies all the time but then the ads change to weight loss programs and wrinkle creams. I'd rather them believe I can get someone and not be reminded why I can't.
Marnee - I do promise I wrote this before your characters went wayward. I know you'll get them back on track.
Lisa - So the dude that is not the hero is turning into the hero? That can sure throw a kink into things. Maybe if you give him a secondary character heroine of his own he'll behave and not encroached on your main man's territory. *g*
Gillian - I'm with you, my stories pop up with the h/h right there. Almost always they show up together or one right after the other. I did get an idea for a chick lit/para (very strange for me) that the heroine popped up first and the hero wasn't until days later. But they are still right for each other even in these very early stages. Thank goodness. LOL!
No idea how my characters found each other. They just fit.
I do not look like my husband. I'm very eastern european... he's very scottish... lol!
Though we are both pale...
My kids... well I think they look like me and my brother when we were kids... and they both got my blue eyes (scott's are green) I'd change something about myself if we 'started' looking a like...
It's like that theory with dogs... you look like you dog. Though I don't think I look like a Burnese Mountain dog...lol
I can think of a few books where the H/H just don't seem a good match, often because I think one doesn't really deserve the other. Of course, I can also think of some couples I know IRL that I feel the same way about. But IRL, I keep my opinion to myself. :)
The H/H in my WIP just appeared in my head as a unit, but I have had a strange thing happen with the hero of one of my still-on-the drawing-board books. I had a full character bio for the hero of Book #3 when a minor (very) character in my WIP let me know that he was going to be the heroine's partner in Book #3. He really did just take over my plan for that book. Now I can't imagine the first character as the hero because he and the heroine are too much alike in background and personality.
I didn't think of that, Janga, but IRL that does happen quite often. But then you find those people who just deserve each other - as in no one else deserves them. *g*
All of my stories are stand alones so I never have the problem of putting characters together in the future. However, in the current WIP, everyone thinks the two very important secondary characters should be put together at the end but that has never been my intention. There is another man in the story who is most likely going to get the female second.
I don't think Matty and I look alike. Not unless I look like an offensive linesman. I'm not built like a brick sh*thouse. But we really don't have much in common either. I suppose we just get along. Hard to explain when you love someone. LOL
My characters often don't do what I ask of them. Like last night, about 4am, I was cussing my heroine. I can understand her problem. She's got a Latino hottie as a roommate who has the sex drive of a teenager. They both thrive from the rush they get from their jobs. But she's trying to hold him at arm's length. He's breaking her down. Argh. And Ash hasn't even enter the picture yet. Serious problems.
PS. Great blog.
Great blog. Like Gillian, my characters seem to already be there. Alpha males who like to be in control of everything even the weather and heroines who just won't obey. Of course this doesn't occur in all my stories.
Sin - I don't think the looking alike thing has anything to do with who you love but they do use the similarities thing as a marketing tool. Something about a couple looking so much alike gives the illusion that they must be perfect for each other.
Renee - my heroes are usually a combo of Alpha/Beta but the two guys of the "in development" stories are much more Alpha than I've written so far. I think I'd have to get more comfortable in the writing before pulling that off. There's something very intricate about writing Alphas.
I'm not sure anyone is around to answer a question but would you ever read a romance where the hero is not a big guy? I mean, if the hero were 5'9" instead of 6' or taller. Would that work for you?
Sin does not look like a linebacker. I suspect her and Matty work because she has a phenomenal sense of humor and laughs at his jokes. She'd have to have a sense of humor to live with a man that unhousebroken.
Why do people hook up? No idea. Some chemical attraction with that "I just get him/her" stuff.
Just went to a funeral today. Aunt Lena was married twice. Once to Uncle Frank, who was the quintessential "BAD BOY" to Aunt Lena's Good Hearted Woman. Then she married later (since Bad Boys tend to live short, furious lives) to another man, who looks the polar opposite of Uncle Frank. (Apparently one bad boy is enough in a girl's life.) Neither of those men look like Aunt Lena--they're all rather skinny--but it was the Depression era and 1950 for the second marriage--not exactly hit the stride of so much food as you can plump out.
So why were they together? Probably in both cases because Lena probably thought they were handsome--and after talking with them awhile, thought: I get him.
That's my theory anyway.
Leave it to the captain to make it simple. Because they get each other. You know, I think you're right. So, as long as my h/h get each other, then I should be alright.
Sorry to hear about your aunt but it sounds like she must have had an amazing life. I bet she had some great stories. *g*
She was 102. (She would have been 103 in April.) The woman was amazing. The runt of triplets and only one to survive infancy (the other two died within two weeks.)
She was sharp as a tack--and kept it up until right before she died (like within a few hours before).
She was also the mother of my favorite cousin: Doyle. *LOL*
That's exactly what I want to do - see 100 and still be of sound mind and body. LOL! I think I better start taking better care of myself.
You so have to base a character on her. Hell, you could base several just by choosing different decades of her life. What material to work with!
So sorry about your aunt, Cap'n. Though, if I make it to 100, I'll consider myself lucky and blessed.
I agree about the get it part. This by no means has to do with that person being perfect. I think there's something to be said of meshing senses of humor. I don't think I could live with someone who didn't make me laugh. A lot.
Missed a great blog yesterday! I think cause everyone was off I was on weekend mode! I don't think I even checked the boards all day!
Sorry about your Aunt Hellion, but 102? Wow, that's amazing. The keeping one's mind is very important, though. I don't want to live that long if I'm just loopy and can't remember anyone or anything. We're dealing with that with my mom right now. She's slowly losing it and doesn't want to hang around for it to get worse.
I don't think Mr. Irish and I look alike. And we are definitely opposites. With all the studying I've done of relationships and what makes them work and not work, I really believe in the opposites attract theory. I think we are basically attracted to people who have what we don't. I hate to be corny - but someone who completes us (I was using that statement before Renee and Tom!). The trick is being mature enough and ready enough to work with the differences and not fight them.
I think I probably apply a lot of those principles when matching up my hero or heroine. Usually one or the other come to me fully formed and then I just create their opposite.
Irish - I had the same problem. The kiddie and I were both off so it felt like a Sunday. And since I slept in and lounged for three days, getting to bed at a decent time last night was near impossible!
There is something to that opposites thing but I'm finding it's harder when you're older. I think when you meet an opposite and you're both in college - still sort of forming into who you are - you can find a way to adapt to each other. It's not that easy when you're older and much more set in your ways.
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