Not the ones that leech blood. I’m talking about the ones that leech your emotions.
I’ve felt particularly vulnerable this week. What’s that you say? Yes, yes, I know I’m a pirate and pirates aren’t supposed to be vulnerable. We’re tough, you tell me. I tell myself that too. However, some days when I sit at my computer and pour out my story, I feel exposed and exhausted, like someone just ran me through the emotional wringer and put me away wet. More like a dog straight from his bath than the blood-thirsty, take-no-prisoners piratess I know myself to be.
When people who don’t write talk to me about writing, I always feel like they don’t ‘get’ it. The way they describe it, it sounds like so much fun. Creating worlds from your imagination, making up people and having them do things that you only ever dreamed of. They envy my initiative and they express the idea that, if they only had the faith in their imagination and the time/energy/determination/inclination, they would try writing as well.
I smile and nod through these conversations, agreeing with them about these good aspects of writing, but feeling like something in their descriptions is missing. I feel my characters’ embarrassment, their pain, their joy, and their heartaches. It’s like walking around with “Days of Our Lives” spinning out of control in my head.
Then, after I get all of that angst out, I have to let other people read it and (in)validate it. Yes, that’s terrifying.
Yet, I have to keep going, because if I don’t, how will I know they turn out all right in the end? They are adrift in uncertainty and I am their lifeline. Just add that responsibility to the other responsibilities in my life and you can probably understand my vulnerability.
So, as a recap: angst + possible public embarrassment + fake people counting on me + real life responsibilities = potential emotional exhaustion.
How about you? How do you deal with the emotional ups and downs of writing? What keeps you going through this? And how to do you deal with well-meaning yet misunderstanding comments of some non-writers?
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I always feel vunerable about my writing. I don't talk about my writing to many people. Though, I don't talk to very many peple either. LOL. I spend most of my free time with Hellion, and even Hellion will tell you it's not that much time.
I have an extremely supportive person in my life when it comes to believing in me. After years of hating each other, my mother stands behind me with whatever I do now and even when I told her I was going to start writing (and I figured she'd give the lecture about where it will never get me anywhere (which is what I hear out of the DH all the time)) but she was excited. Not that she's extremely helpful (mostly a great cheerleader) but it's good for those days when I'm feeling less than lackluster and my writing is sucking a big one.
And I mostly deal with a lot of stress and a lot of Stoli, a splash of sprite and a twist of lime.
Great blog Marnee!
I have a great group of friends that I met through reading the Stephanie Plum series that never fail me. They are always there to compliment my writing, and as amazing as it is, the stories that I think are crap, they love the most...go figure.
I have to thank Sin most of all for believing in me, she cheers me on and tells me exactly what I need to hear at the perfect time. *hugs*
I have to say my mom supports me more than any family member. She is always watching the newspaper for various writing events in our town. But it's not much of a surprise to me, she has always told me I can do anything I want as long as I believe in myself.
Great blog Marnee:)
Tsk, Lis. I'm your biggest fan and I'll gladly get out the pom-poms and pretend I was a cheerleader in high school. LOL Just make sure the pom-poms are black and I have a bat symbol on my top and I think we're good to go.
I have to agree with you Lis. Some of the girls from SP are the only reason why I'm still writing. Nothing like having a great support system to fall back on during rough times. Especially when the Capt'n 'round here is lynching us wenches and glueing our fingers to the keyboard so we can't get up. It's hard to have a potty break when Hellion glues your fingers to the keyboard.
Belief in yourself and what you're capable of. And if you don't know, you have to push yourself to find out and that's what writing is all about.
What I find kind of exhausting is explaining the publishing industry to people (not that I know anything about it, LOL). Some know about the requested full I have on an editor's desk (it's been two months, no word, which is a minute-and-a-half publishing-wise). They keep asking. I'm sorry I ever said anything. I'm sorry I'm writing about it now, ha ha. I know they love me, and can't believe wonderful me has not been snapped up by now--- although I won't let them read anything except my blog!I'm also sorry I wasted so much time (and a couple of books) before I knew the little sliver I do now, but I suppose it's all good for growth. I just hope I grow taller instead of wider.
Busy busy busy but I wanted to stop into say ...
We're supposed to deal with it? Ha!
Sin, I want a Ranger Cheerleading outfit too! I can shake my pom-poms with the best of them. And now I feel very guilty I didn't hang out with last Saturday! (She's right though; she doesn't have much free time.) And if DH says any of that toxin while I'm in the room, I'm throwing something heavy at him. Goon.
Lisa, support groups are the bomb...but if your writing is any indication, you're never going to be without a support group! :)
Maggie, I know exactly what you mean, luv. You tell someone you finished a book, which for you means, "Hell, now I've got to edit and polish the damned thing" and they want to know when the publisher is going to get back to you about it. Then you start laughing maniacally at this naive question and they think you've been writing so long your mind has just snapped. Non-writers really DON'T know.
Thanks everyone, for your comments. I love hearing about everyone's support systems.
My family and DH are super supportive too and I couldn't do this without them.
I just think it's so difficult to explain to non-writing folks how difficult it is to write. Even my support system doesn't understand, really. They support me, but they really don't get it.
Last night, I wrote about 1500 words (yay me) and afterwards, I just sat on the couch watching Bionic Woman - a show of which I have less than any interest.
I was just tired, I needed something mindless, because I felt a little washed out. And the further I go in my WIP, the more often I feel like that after exploring my characters' emotions.
Is there some sort of group therapy session for writers who deal with other (fake) people's baggage?
Maggie - I'm sure you'll hear from your editor soon.
Sin - yum with the stoli and sprite. Good suggestion. :) And the Captains "stop thinking" remark yesterday got me going writing last night. Bless her dictator soul. :)
Ter - *waves* That was my thought exactly!
LOL, Hellion! That's exactly what i mean about the non-writing contingent. They think it's sooo easy, and no amount of explaining gets you to a level of understanding.
I'm with Sin. I always feel vulnerable about my writing. I don't talk about it that much--in fact, my faculty who I've worked with for 7 years--the majority of them didn't even know I had a degree in English AND was a writer until I gave this speech a couple years ago. My speech was really funny and clever--and all I heard all night was, "Did you write that yourself?" Which was both flattering and insulting, if you get my drift. They were quite impressed.
My family knows I write. I've belonged to a chapter or a critique group since at least 2002--and so I'll go to my meetings once a month. Dad, as much as he thinks those books are crap--he hates fiction stories, doesn't say bad things about my pursuit. I think it's because it's like I'm "learning" or in a class. *LOL* I think hope spring eternal for the man that I'll turn into a teacher despite my protestations.
I'll make my confessions to friends...and then my friends will brag about me to strangers, which drives me nuts. "Hellion's a writer!" they say proudly to someone. And I'm all, Oh-shit, and then the newbie goes, "Really? What do you write?" and I feel very stupid as I say, "Romance novels." "Really? Have you published?" "No, but I've finished a manuscript." "REALLY? What did the publishers think?" *sighs* And here we go again.
I'm not sure if this is where Marnee was going though...but I did appreciate the laugh that fictional people were depending on her to unravel their love lives. I can relate to that. It does get wearing. And when I'm writing emotional scenes (which seems to be happening more in GOGU since I'm going back to layer my emotion in), I get all sniffly at the scenes. Which drives me nuts because it's just a scene. It's not even real.
Hmm. Must be puppy love then. You may not think puppy love is real, but it's real to the puppy...
Sorry, been hitting the rum early this morning.
One amendment: My friend Pam does brag I'm a writer...but she'll do it when I'm not there...and when the new person looks impressed, Pam will say, "But don't ask her WHAT she writes. She writes romance novels. And for God's sake, don't ask her if they're soft core porn." *LOL* She brags, and then she tends to protect both parties...it's rather funny if you think about it.
Captain - that's exactly what I mean about the emotional stuff. Now that I'm further into OLM, I feel like I know characters better so now they're angst is getting pretty severe. I feel like a therapist, working out their issues. LOL!
Yeah, but that's the best part, Marnee. Well, unless your next confession is that you don't suffer from any of the issues your characters deal with--which would put you at: non-neurotic, handsome husband, adorable child, and wildly talented--and we might have to stick you in the back of the dinghy for a while until the rest of us quit sulking. Which might take ages. You better tell a "he-left-the-toilet-seat-up" story soon or we're going to throw weevily hardtack at you.
At least tell us you're neurotic.
I *hate* the emotional mess I become writing some of these scenes, a lot of these scenes. I mean, I run around naked, but some of these scenes feel like I'm not only starkers, but I'm starkers in the middle of Madison Square Garden. I read my scene and I think, EVERYONE is going to know this is really me. This is my inner self right here on this page and they're going to judge it...and they could hate it.
Which is really the entire writing life, right there. Putting things in print to make a statement, to relate a human experience, to gain approval and validation on the mass level...with the raving fear that no one will understand us, that our human experience, our take on the matter, isn't as universal as we hoped to present it. So then we're naked by ourselves...rather than, well, I guess naked in a nudist colony.
I admit, my parables tend to lose something during the hour before lunchtime...
Oh, and I totally meant to make an entirely different point: the fun part of working through all your character's issues is that it's a lot easier than working through your own. Plus in a way, you are working out your own issues--there, in NYT's print--but within 400 pages, you've managed to overcome it.
Perhaps we do this as practice. If we keep writing how we overcome our hardships and crap childhoods, we will overcome them. Just like we wrote.
I hate when my friends tell people that I write. A million questions follow, and like someone mentioned earlier it's impossible to explain the writing world to a lay person when I can't explain most of it myself.
Thank you Cap'n for the kudos about my writing. I guess for me it's important for my love for writing to show in my work. I think that is what draws more support than anything.
I don't know if anyone else feels this way but there are days I feel like a writer and then other days..not so much:)
And I love the idea of a Ranger cheerleading costume. Sin what a gifted Babe you are:)
I do talk about my writing, but just to say that to the people around me. 'I'm a writer, I have one book done, yup it's a long time to get pub'd' I don't tell them what it's about, I'm the queen of vague. And I don't want to tell them. I share with writers now, because that is the stage I'm at. I'll worry about the rest when I'm pubd.
Sin, weird the opposite happened between me and my mother when the 'I'm a writer' announcement was made.
I have been emotionally drained from my writing when it's really emotionally intense. but i always feel good after writing.
*wg @ tiff* Of course you feel good after an emotional workout with your characters...aren't they usually having sex? Who doesn't feel great after really great sex?
Oh, I'm neurotic, people. No need to stick me in the weevily dinghy. (Or was that weevily hardtack I was threatened with? Whatever.) As if my blog about emotional neurosis wasn't enough to prove that to everyone! LOL!!
That's the emotional exhaustion I was talking about, Capn, the naked in MSG type. (Geez, why couldn't I have said that?)
And I think you and Tiff have given me my solution! I've been working up to my characters' first sex scene. Maybe I am suffering from vicarious sexual frustration!! Perhaps I need to get them doing it sooner than I thought.
I do feel good about writing most of the time, as you said. Just this week has been a little harder than I usual. A lot of that could be that DS just cut three teeth (ie, I wasn't sleeping much this weekend/week) and I'm planning his birthday party. So, maybe RL is spilling into my writing a little too much.
no not the sex scenes. I did a rape/semi rape scene that had the hairs on my arms raising... like I was there...
Nobody knows I write except for the DH. I don't talk about it to anyone. I'm one of the youngest in a huge family of overachievers, one of which is a screenwriter. So this is my little secret. And I really don't feel the need to share. When I want to talk about it I come to my internet friends where I know I'm understood.
I'm not as far along as most of you. I'm still dabbling and writing in snippets and scenes, not really having put it all together yet. So, I guess it hasn't gotten to the point where I stress about the emotions of my characters thing.
I do know what Hellion means about writing yourself into your story. I feel like anyone would read my stuff and pick out all the people in my life. I want to try to get away from that, but I think I have to write my story first and get it out of the way before I can move on to all the other stories in my head.
First off, I'm not throwing weevily anything so you're on your own.
I've recently started telling people I'm a writer but the trick is to talk fast. I'm a fast talker and I throw it in somewhere between two completely unrelated things and other than having the chance to say, "Wow!" or "Really?" the person is cut off immediately. I keep talking which eliminates any real questioning.
I started to feel like a writer at the end of October and now I feel more like one every week. Now that characters have started climbing out of the crevices in my brain, it's a good and bad thing. I'm glad to know I have these stories in here and I'm excited about telling them but the timing is awful. The story of my life...
Irish - I think writing is a process with so many phases that hit every one of us at different times. Just embrace every step.
And Ter- I think it's awesome that you're growing as a writer. Keep it up!!
Tiff - wow, I don't know if I could sleep after something like that. There's a bit of a mystery plot in my WIP and when I write parts of it, the hair on my arms stands up.
Yeah, characters are like that. Rather selfish really. Don't give a crap about your RL.
Irish!--see, I knew I wasn't alone in doing that! *LOL* We'll just be amateur writers together. You'll be thrilled to know that Adam from my new story doesn't remind me of much of anyone from my real life. He's just some conglomerate of how I think men behave. He's Everyman. Eve is the Every Feminist...and Lucy is the Everyman Rogue. And Elizabeth is...well, Elizabeth is me, but we couldn't escape it entirely.
I must not like any of the people I know because my characters are based on anyone. LOL!
I think I need new friends and relatives.
That was supposed to "are not based on". Dang it.
LOL Terrio. ;) My heroine is a lot like me, but the rest of my people just have qualities of people, but aren't completely based on any one person. Does that make sense?
Hellion - I can't wait to read your new story. By the way, what does GOGU stand for?
GOGU: Girl on the Grecian Urn. Refers to Keats, the line where "Bold Lover, never canst thou kiss though winning near the goal"--which the heroine shouts at the hero at around Chapter 10 or so--and says, The only reason you want me is because of the girl on the grecian urn! You want me because you can't have me--and if you did have me, you wouldn't want me anymore." Actually she only gets out the FIRST line, then never explains the rest of it, leaving the hero, as usual, thoroughly confused.
Terri, you just like your characters too much to give them your neuroses.
I'm working on the premise of "cheap therapy"--if I can work out the issues of a character with my problems, I can eventually work out my own.
I love Ode on a Grecian Urn. :) I love Keats in general, but that's a really good one and a really good era of writing, I think. :)
Cheap therapy is sure better than Oprah.
Now I'm busy busy busy. Blah.
See me dancing around above deck in my cheerleading outfit? That's all your gonna get today.
And don't worry about spending time with me Hellion *single tear* No! LOL it's okay because I wrote and got house work done and spent two hours on the phone with a hysterical woman. Yup, my weekend was well rounded and if we would've hung out... Neither of us would've written a word. LOL
Tiff, I know when I write those scenes that raise the arm on my arms and give me the mental creeps, do you find yourself writing and writing and writing until you fall asleep at the computer? Just curious to see if I'm the only weirdo. LOL
Lis, you made the Ranger cheerleading uniform popular babe. Is your tooth beeping? LOL
Ter, for me it's easier to base my characters off several people while I people watch. I pretend like I'm reading a book and really I'm listening in and watching them from under my lashes. I know you're strapped for time. But I'd imagine that you'd know a helluva lot of interesting people from the radio gig.
Yeah I write until I'm about to conk out at the computer. It's the way to go!
I think most writers (as in 99.9%) are weirdos in some shape or form.
Tiff - the more conferences I go to, the more I agree with that statement. Though I might take it back to a lower percentage.
Marnee - I could tell lots of stories about my years in radio (like the time I walked into the station one evening and the guy running the board for a Cardinals baseball game wasn't wearing any pants) but these people would never be lead character material. If any of my characters ever get sent to a mental ward by mistake, I've got all the fellow patients picked out and ready to go. LOL!
Sorry, that was Sin not Marnee! I need to start concentrating on one dang thing at a time!
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