International Man of Mystery: The Alpha Male

In truly unpirate-form, we parlayed about what we’d be blogging about this week, This Week of Love. (Since when do pirates plan?) And I committed myself to writing about great romantic gestures, the kind that makes us fall in love with the hero even though he doesn’t say “I love you.”

I know, the topic bored me too.

And then I was reading this lovely article about my beloved Jack (no, not mine), and this highly educated lady laid out the simple formula to me: about what makes any romantic hero sexy.

What, what? you ask.

“It’s a mystery.”

No, no, don’t leave in a huff. I’m not trying to be obnoxious. Much. But there are the obvious things: handsome, noble, in possession of a sense of humor as well as a modest fortune (or at least a job), and the ability to not frighten small children (since that would be handy later.) But then there is The Mystery.

As Marnee pointed out, we love to solve a mystery, whether we realize it or not. And I’m pretty sure Lisa has also opined on heroes with that sense of SOMETHING, but you can’t pinpoint what. You don’t know; it’s a mystery.

Think how boring Mr. Darcy would have been if he’d really been that pretentious jerk. It would have been so easy to loathe him; and yet the more we’re around him, the more we sense a bit of mystery about him. Something that makes us think he’s not quite as he seems, there’s something there beneath the surface if we’re willing to look.

I know we’re not exactly rule-followers around here; and I know that the first rule is: drink rum, then write. But one of the close followers to this rule is: Show, Don’t Tell. Which if anyone has had a gander at my WIP can tell you is easier said than done. I’d say the flipside to this all-important rule is: Show, But Don’t Show Too Much. Show us the 10% to intrigue us, and let us figure out the other 90. Readers want to fill in the blanks *and* we want to be right, so letting us fill in what we don’t know about a character by virtue makes us right. (For a while, at least.)

I think the problem with why Betas aren’t as valued as a sexy Alpha is that Betas don’t have secrets, and thus we know too much about them. Think of Will Turner, another pirate favorite. In the first film, he was Beta-Beta-Beta. He couldn’t have been more Beta if he’d been coached by Opie himself. The handsome blacksmith who nobly faced danger to save the woman of his dreams, with some help from the incomparable Jack Sparrow. The problem was that at the end of that movie: Will Turner was still a Beta—and he was still a blacksmith.

In the second movie, he went a bit more willingly into the danger to save his love *and* his father; and he was slightly more pirate as the movie raged on, but in the end, as he watched his fiancé kiss Jack on the deck of the Black Pearl, all I saw was betrayed blacksmith. You know, the Nice Guy Who Finished Last.

But with the beginning of the third movie, Will had developed this interesting new personality, compliments I’m sure of his loose-lipped fiancé, and he was far more Alpha than Beta in this flick. He was secretive, hurt simmering in the depths of those almost black eyes, and kept his agenda close and his enemies closer. Will was swoon-worthy before he tied on that scarf, simply because he got a bit of mystery about him.

Think about it. Aren’t your favorite romances filled with heroes whose backstories are kept close to the vest, but once revealed (at least partially) make you swoon that much harder for the hero it reveals? No one wants to go on the first date with a guy who reveals all his broken relationships and inability to commit before the dessert is even ordered. (It’s happened.) There is a certain sense of reward you feel as someone who has earned the right to know these secrets, if they’re not revealed until later in the game. That sense that he doesn’t trust just anyone with his darkest secrets; that he trusts you to keep them safe.

Do you like your men mysterious or forthcoming? Any movie or book “dark secrets” you can recall that left you totally floored and made you love the hero even more? Which Will is better: the first film or the last? Anyone have trouble with showing instead of telling like I do?

What happens at sea...stays at sea

Sin was gracious enough to provide some Halloween words to challenge me. What they prompted was a poorly written satire. Hope this helps Terrio with her FRUSTRATION!

The lovely pirate wench stared at Cap’n Jack. He was standing behind the ship’s wheel looking dead sexy. She turned and slapped her forehead trying to pop her lame brain back into joint. What was she thinking she didn’t need the hassle. Sure, it would be a fabulous toss of her skirts, but she was a lass with soft heart. She loved to appear tough and baldy on the outside but beneath her soft flesh she longed for so much more. The life of a seafaring wench was a lonely one, and besides *sniff* Halloween made her melancholy. It all stemmed from that year she swallowed her fake fangs when a peg legged pirate stuck his tongue down her throat in a fit of passion. Even though he walked away with blood dripping from his nose, she never lost the nibbling sensation in her gut.

She sighed and kicked at the jack o lantern sitting at her feet. It spun around and skittered across the deck slamming into the stern of the ship cracking into a million pieces. She shook her head as she made her way below deck to see if any Twizzlers were left in the basket of candy treats. On the way to the galley, she stopped by her cabin to straighten her hair; she slipped inside and looked in the cracked mirror above the washbasin. She brushed her curls away from her face and smiled faintly. She had a pleasant face and a nice set of breasts. She turned slightly and tightly closed her eyes as she groaned. Her backside stuck out causing her skirt to hike up severely in the back. She could still hear the words of her uncle Charlie Brown.

“It’s the great pumpkin!”

She decided that she was going to lose the great pumpkin one way or another. She didn’t have too much time to contemplate her plight when the door swung open and Jack Sparrow darkened the doorway.

“Captain what can I do for you.”

He slowly stalked toward her with his yellow teeth posed in a malicious smile.

“Ask not what you can do for your captain but let your captain show what he can do for you.”

“I like the way you think Jack.”

He took two more steps and pulled her against his unyielding flesh. She sucked in a breath as he lowered his mouth on hers. Although she longed to pull away and offer him an Altoid, she allowed her nether regions to rule her. Passion consumed them as Jack hiked up her skirts and unsheathed his sword. He plunged it deep inside her as she wrapped her thunder thighs around his waist. The motion of their hips mimicked the rocking of the ship. The storm of their passion raged as Jack slammed her against the wall plundering her body as if it was his latest sought after treasure. It was over almost before he got in the room. With a grunt Jack pulled out and let go of her so she slipped to the floor in a heap. He smiled as he corralled his manhood. The wench looked at him in disbelief as she muttered.

“You don’t know Jack about pleasing a woman!”

His smile quickly disappeared.

“I’ve never had a wench complain before.”

“ Well you’ve never had this wench!”

She stumbled to her feet and jerked down her skirts, embarrassed when they caught on the great pumpkin. In frustration, she brushed at the back of her skirt and noticed as Jack cocked an eyebrow.

“What?” she asked.

“If I had noticed the tent in your skirt before, I would have suggested back door.”

The wench’s jaw dropped open.” You are such a scoundrel.”

Jack smiled his dirty grin. “Why thank you lass”

She sighed and tried to push past him to leave. He grabbed her around the waist and pressed his still throbbing member between the juncture of her legs. She gasped in delighted alarm.

He whispered. “You know you want me.”

“I don’t know what it is, you are such a nasty pirate but I still long for you.”

He smiled a wolf grin. “Must be my winning personality.”

She reached up and tried to lace her fingers in his hair but they got stuck “It sure as hell isn’t your dreadlocks.”

“The sweet things you say to me wench.”

“I can’t believe what a slutty sailor I have become.”She grinned.

And they had sex.

Everything We Know About Writin' We Learned From Captain Jack Sparrow

Yes, you've probably already seen this. I pirated it from meself, but I stand by the fact it's an oldie but goodie. Don your eye patch and brandish your sword, you’re about to learn to be a writer the pirate way.

1.)Establish your reputation. “But you have heard of me,” Jack says smugly, when Norrington comments that Jack’s the worst pirate he’s ever heard of. Network, network, network. The more people who know you in the business, the better chance you’ll have to show you mean to make writing your career. Jack established he was a pirate—and we all know he’s the best pirate there is. He said so. That being said….

2.)Believe in yourself. There isn’t anyone who believes more in Jack’s credentials as the world’s best pirate than Jack himself; and frankly, you, as a writer, need to do the same. Writing is a lonely business; and being left alone with your inner critic day in and day out can have you questioning your career path. Even when Jack is feeling a bit down, he knows deep down he is a great pirate—and you must do the same. Like Jack, perhaps a bit of rum will help. It’s certainly done a lot for my manuscript.

3.)Stop being a pirate…er…writer? Never! Jack didn’t have a ship, a crew, or even a bottle of rum; however, he was still a pirate. Think of yourself in similar terms: you’re a writer first. It’s not just a hobby; it’s not something to hide or do only when you’ve made everyone else happy. If you consider yourself as a writer first, people will also start to think of you that way—and it will be easier to carve out more time for writing because people will expect it.

4.)Have fun. Do you think Jack likes being a pirate? No, Jack loves being a pirate; he embraces it. He says, “Pirate.” So if people are staring at you oddly when you’re jotting down brilliant tidbits on napkins, laughing manically to yourself, and correcting the grammar on restaurant menus, just give them the Captain Jack look and say, ‘Writer.’”

5.)Be on the lookout for new treasure. Jack never failed to find bits of treasure lying about—usually unwatched—which he could immediately pocket. Pay attention to your surroundings. Life is absurd and full of characters. You’ll never know when you find the perfect real life person to portray your quirky Lord Herrington. (Disclaimer: while Captain Jack does abscond, most roguishly, with unprotected treasure, he does not steal copyrighted treasure—and neither should you.)

6.)Speak and deliver. Jack is an Ace at one-liners (“Savvy?”), and he’s memorable in practically everything he says. Memorable writing keeps readers running to the store for your next book—so be loud, be proud, and be your own voice, not anyone else’s…and you’ll be as memorable and beloved as Jack.

7.)Get into character. There would not have been a Pirates of the Caribbean without Captain Jack Sparrow. He made that movie; no doubt about it. Plot is great; plot tells the story, but characters sell books and keep readers wanting more. Create great characters and you’ll have a great book, even if your virgin secretary is having a secret baby.

8.)Get into trouble. If there’s anything Jack does well, it’s get into trouble. Then he spends an inordinate amount of time trying to get out of it, only making it worse. And we love him for it. Do the same to your characters. Where there’s trouble, there’s conflict; where there’s conflict, there’s story. Give your characters a ship, then blow holes in it.

9.)Seize the “Opportune Moment.” Jack knows how to create his own luck and seize opportunity. He doesn’t wait for people to bring him treasure; he takes it. Therefore, don’t keep your finished manuscripts lurking under the bed because you don’t think they’re polished enough for an editor’s eagle eye. Query, query, query. Rejection is a part of the business, even pirate business. Jack might get slapped now and again, but he still thinks he’s quite the catch.

10.)Find a dependable crew. Did Jack face nasty Barbossa alone? No. He took some equally rum-soaked pirates with him. You should do the same. Find like-minded, rum-soaked writers and sail the treacherous waters of the Slush Pile and Critic’s Hell. Every once in a while you’ll hit upon treasure—and in the meantime, you’ll have a lot of fun doing it!

11.)Be daft (like Jack). People are going to think you’re daft for wanting to write a book, and even dafter for going through the crap shoot of getting it published. There will be plot twists that will even have you thinking, “They’ll think I’m a lunatic. I can’t have an alien abduction at a Regency tea party!” But as Jack says, when his madness is brought into question, “Well thank goodness for that, 'cause if I wasn't this would probably never work.” If you over think your ideas and don’t allow your “madness” room to romp in your manuscript, you’ll end up with a book that is overdone, trite, and not at all in your original voice.

12.)Savvy that “they’re more like guidelines anyway.” Learn the rules of writing–then break them. Put a twist on them and make them your own. Except for that rule about spelling and grammar–that’s one you shouldn’t break. Nothing more annoying to the Grammar from Hell Editor than a misspelled manuscript. But most everything else is fair game, Jack says.

Whatever your writing genre, find your strengths, strengthen your weaknesses and walk that plank of being a writer. If you take the chance and follow Captain Jack’s advice, you might end up Captain yourself.

What has the fair and witty Jack taught you about writing (or living)?